A little about me, a fellow human…
Hi, I’m Stephen Schlatter
Like many counselors and therapists, I found my calling as a therapist as a result of my own life story—including my own mental health struggles, traumas, and “stuck” parts, as well as successful outcomes in my own therapy. I have experienced firsthand therapy’s potential to help someone move from cycles of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, doubt, addictions, trauma, and despair to a place of openness, vulnerability, courage, and deeper connection to self, others, and the collective universe we share.
And, as a result of my own life experience, I know that healing is not linear; that everyone’s journey is unique; and that the more we can invite reserves of compassion, acceptance, even humor to our own predicaments, while enlisting the support of a compassionate helper, the better we are able to heal and grow into the best version of ourselves.
There is no set time-frame or path for anyone’s unique healing.
There is no one’s journey that is quite like yours.
I’m here to explore with you what your life’s path towards healing might look like.
Stephen and Healing
My work is enriched by my own deep understanding of life’s struggles. Life can be rough—internally, externally, both.
But there can be joy, too. There can be purpose. We make our own meaning. We can influence our own narrative.
Before my career as a therapist, I tried many things. I tried to make a living baking bread, managing a store, lifeguarding; I planted trees, I cut other trees down; I served fondue, delivered pizza, I worked with suicidal kids and teens in a psychiatric hospital. I thought myself a poet, a dancer, a pianist, a teacher... or was I an activist, or tragic hero? I tried numbing and distracting. At times I thought if I wasn’t perfect, or able to change the world for the better, I was worthless. I tried to force myself to feel or be something different than I was. At times I felt myself on a bleak and dangerous path.
It took me finally reaching out to see a therapist (something I had for so long rationalized as unnecessary, too expensive, or likely ineffective) to change course, to shift my fate towards hope and healing. I consider it one of the kindest and bravest things I have ever done for myself.
It can be profoundly healing to be witnessed and empathized by another person, someone who cares, someone who understands that life can be deeply painful and difficult. To connect with someone who can hold the candle of hope—someone who knows from experience that our greatest growth, healing, gratitude and joy can emerge from the depths of our most painful places.
I have loved and I have lost. I have despaired and I have tasted joy. I know hope as well as I know hopelessness. I have battled myself, I have battled the world, and I have bested neither. Eventually I decided it better to try and get along with both.
My Treatment Passions
LGBTQ+ Experience and Coming Out
As one important part of someone’s identity, the experience of navigating gender and sexuality in a predominantly heterosexual and cis-gender world can be rife with doubt, shame, anxiety, conflict, violence, and more. But affirming and owning who you are can be such an important step towards cultivating self-compassion and love, while discovering and finding your place in this world as your authentic, vibrant self.
I am a huge champion of LGBTQ+ people (having come out as gay myself) and am passionate about being a source of support. Being a queer human brings its own challenges, but also comes with precious gifts. I am honored to help clients explore and uncover their own beautiful light.
I also think that everyone might have the opportunity for an analogous experience, whether LGBTQ+ or not. It’s about coming to accept and love yourself, while finding the courage to be unapologetically yourself.
Existential and Planetary Anxiety and Despair
Our internal struggles are often reflections of our external world. So, what someone might be experiencing as a private battle with depression, anxiety, trauma, etc., might also be seen as their unique experience of the pain, dysfunction, and resonant trauma that exists in the collective. I understand what it’s like to interpret the pain of your life as a personal problem—to react to misfortune and struggle as evidence that “I’m doing life wrong.” While personal responsibility and ownership is important, I can assure you it goes beyond that, too.
We live in a beautiful but broken world. Unless you think everything’s fine and we’ve reached utopia, you probably agree that problems exist in the world. Recognizing that your “private” pain is actually shared by many others can help you to cultivate self-compassion, as well as provide courage to be a source of healing in the world in your own right.
We’re in this boat together. One great step towards healing the collective is learning to love yourself.
Sudden Tragedies
My own journey has been profoundly impacted by a number of tragic moments of shock and crisis. I am passionate about helping others navigate their own tragedies. Be it an accident, a serious illness, the loss of a loved one… How we respond to these moments can shape us for the rest of our lives. They can be profoundly destabilizing and difficult. It might feel so much easier to shut down in anger and despair, to give up and lose hope. But orienting towards authentic emotional processing of the event can foster resilience and new levels of growth.
Through seeking my own support in therapy, and by orienting towards the natural arising of emotions throughout these experiences, I have discovered a deepening reserve of gratitude for life and its preciousness, as well as resilience and strength to keep moving onward and upward. By touching the void and acknowledging shadow and rage, we might come to find meaning and joy.
Transmuting Toxic Self-Loathing into Inner Compassion
So many of us carry an intense internal critic who adamantly tells us we’re doing things wrong, that we’re not good enough, we’re screwing everything up, and worst—that we deserve our struggles and misfortune. We can beat ourselves up over our foibles and insecurities, self-aggressively cataloging all of our mistakes and shortcomings.
So, on top of the fact that life is often quite difficult for pretty much everyone (despite what we tell ourselves or others), we add a layer of guilt and self-recrimination. We feel disgusted and disappointed with ourselves for struggling. We feel ashamed of our truest selves, which miserably makes us feel that if only we were a fundamentally different person, then we’d feel better.
Frequently, therapy involves cultivating a better relationship with ourselves. We can learn to be more kind, understanding, and forgiving to ourselves, as well as more honest and disciplined about how we are manifesting in our lives. This is a huge passion of mine, hence the name of my practice—Inner Compassion Counseling. Your heart, your mind, and your gut can be your greatest compass.
If any of this resonates with you, that’s great! Reach out if you feel called to do so!
If none of it does, that’s great too! We don’t have to have similar opinions or life experiences to find ways of connection and healing. Some of the most powerful work I’ve done as a therapist comes from working with clients with different perspectives and life experiences than my own.
I wrote my Master’s Thesis on the transformative potential of therapy, which I see as the emergent, creative healing process of two hearts and minds meeting with intention. What might arise from our meeting?
What about joy?
Some things that nourish me and bring me joy include—
Time spent in nature, time moving my body, time with friends, time spent alone…
Music, dancing, laughing; eating, drinking, breathing; dogs, clouds, trees, watching animals in nature; movies, tv, and books; wondering, wandering, journaling and jamming; being silly, being quiet, making noise; being in water in the summer, being cozy in the winter; moving fast, being still; adventures outward, journeys inward. Being a weird human creature and finding connection with other weird, wonderful human creatures.